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I notice a strong connection between mindfulness practice and living in recovery. I think a major part of my alcoholism is a reaction (however inappropriate) to a sick world. I’m constantly reminded that I’m not thin enough, that I’m not rich enough, that my teeth aren’t white enough — in general, just that I’m not good enough. And it’s all so somebody can sell me something — a movie, a style, a quick fix, a vacation, any product really. Is anything ever enough?

I drank to escape reality. Being mindful is just the opposite — it is being aware of reality. That’s what the recovery process is about. I keep saying that I’m not doing the 12 steps, but that’s bullshit. I just say that to keep the 12-step nazis out of my hair. I’m doing what I need to do — I’m working my program of recovery. I’ve incorporated mindfulness and meditation into my program. I love them. They give me that connection to myself that I lost a long time ago. My perception of myself had become so distorted that I wanted to drive my car into a lightpole. Now, I can live in this sick world and know that it doesn’t matter if I am thin enough or rich enough. I am not my body. I am not my thoughts. And I surely am not my possessions. By knowing that, I have been able to connect with who I am, and I am eternally grateful for that. I value myself, and that’s amazing. Below are seven attitudes of mindfulness that I try to incorporate into my daily life, especially when specifically working on my recovery.

From Full Catastrophe Living by Jon Kabat-Zinn, Ph.D.

“Seven attitudinal factors constitute the major pillars of mindfulness as we teach it in the stress clinic. They are non-judging, patience, a beginner’s mind, trust, non-striving, acceptance, and letting go. These attitudes are to be cultivated consciously when you practice. They are not independent of each other. Each one relies on and influences the degree to which you are able to cultivate the others. Working on any one will rappidly lead you to the others.”

The author goes on to describe each attitudinal factor in detail. I think they are factors that we should all keep in mind everyday, especially those of us who are in the process of recovery. They help keep us in the moment, in reality, with or without meditation.

• Non-judging. “Mindfulness is cultivated by assuming the stance of an impartial witness to your own experience. To do this requires that you become aware of the constant stream of judging and reacting to inner and outer experiences that we are all normally caught up in, and to learn to step back from it. “

Most of us are too caught up in judging people and things, that we don’t really see them as they are. We see them through a veil of our own judgment. We label things as good, bad, or neutral, and react to them accordingly. Most things we label as neutral, we don’t pay much attention to, and we might not even remember them. But most of life is neutral, and we hold on to the storylines of the good and the bad.  A good portion of my time is spent around things I would label as neutral — work, driving, sitting around my apartment. But that is my life, and I should be grateful for each moment. Judging takes so much energy, and it seems like I am missing out on a lot that I judge as less than good.

• Patience. “Patience is a form of wisdom. It demonstrates that we understand and accept the fact that sometimes things must unfold in their own time… To be patient is simply to be completely open to each moment, accepting it in its fullness, knowing that … things can only unfold in their own time.”

I can definitely be very impatient sometimes. I want my recovery to be fast-tracked. I’ve said before that I just want to sleep for a year and wake up “recovered.” Of course, I know that’s not possible. I know I have a lot of issues to work through. I think alcoholism was a symptom (or catalyst) of the alternate reality I had developed to cope with life. I understand  it takes a long time to get through all the defenses I’ve built up. I know some in AA don’t go beyond the surface much, because it’s recommended that they stay focused on sobriety. But I can’t do that. Everything is coming up, and I have to address it. If I ignore the issues, I give them power. That’s why I was attracted to meditation in the first place. It allows me to address issues as they come up, in their own time.

• Beginner’s Mind. “The richness of the present-moment experience is the richness of life itself… An open, beginner’s  mind allows us to be receptive to new possibilities and prevents us from getting stuck in the rut of our own expertise, which often thinks it knows more than it does. No moment is the same as any other. Each is unique and contains unique possibilities. Beginner’s mind reminds us of this simple truth.”

This is something I have to remind myself of all the time. Sometimes I fill in the blanks with things I think I know so I will feel more comfortable. Usually I’m wrong, and I learn something from it. But that’s because I keep an  open mind. I used to twist the truth to fit into my expectations. I know a lot who still do that. But I am constantly amazed with my recovery when I just let the truth in. Every moment is new.

• Trust. An “attitude of trusting yourself and your own basic wisdom and goodness is very important in all aspects of the meditation practice.”

I know I am a good person, and if I truly follow my instincts, I will be ok in life. I also take this with me to the 12-step process. I trust my own wisdom. I know there are some who will say that you can’t use the same thinking that was used in active addiction to heal from that addiction, but I’m not. I’m trusting my instincts. As a drunk, I did a lot of things that were against my own basic wisdom and goodness — things like sleeping with strange men and driving drunk. I’ve always known better. Now I care enough to respect myself.

• Non-striving. “Almost everything we do we do for a purpose, to get something or somewhere. But in meditation this attutude can be a real obstacle… ultimately meditation is non-doing. It has no goal other than for you to be yourself. The irony is that you already are…. the best way to achieve your own goals is to back of from striving for results and instead to start focusing carefully on seeing and accepting things as they are, moment by moment.”

Just be open to whatever comes up. I think one of the reasons I like meditation and living in the moment is that everything is ok as it is. It doesn’t matter what I did yesterday, or what I think I need to do tomorrow. I’m just there. Of course I want to heal, to recover, but I take that out of meditation, and, as with most things, I get what I need.

• Acceptance. “Acceptance means seeing things as they actually are in the present… Remember, now is the only time you have for anything. You have to accept yourself as you are before you can really change…Acceptance as we are speaking of it simply means that you have come around to a willingness to see things as they are.”

There is definitely a correlation between acceptance and the 12 steps. It underlies the whole program of recovery. In the first step, we must accept the current state of our lives and our relationship to alcohol. In the 4th – 6th steps, we must accept our flaws and let them go. Then we deal with them throughout the rest of the steps. It’s hard to admit the effects of our actions on others when we have built these elaborate stories and excuses to cover up the fact that we were just after the next drink, the next way out of reality.

• Letting Go. “Letting go is a way of letting things be, of accepting things as they are. When we observe our own mind grasping and pushing away, we remind ourselves to let go of those impulses on purpose, just to see what will happen if we do. When we find ourselves judging our experience, we let go of those judging thoughts. We recognize them and we just don’t pursue them any further. We let them be, and in doing so we let them go. Similarly, when thoughts of the past or of the future come up, we let go of them. We just watch.”

This is something I recently learned how to do. When I started my recovery, I didn’t know how to let go. The obsession to drink gained control over me many times, and I drank. It didn’t matter that I really didn’t want to. I was trying to push the thoughts away, and that just gave them more power. Today, I let them go, and they have no power. In meditation, my mind is sometimes racing with crazy thoughts. My meditation teacher calls it the “monkey mind.” But, most of the time, I can focus on my breathing and let the thoughts go. Sometimes it’s really hard to do, other times it’s easier. In my recovery, I have to let go of my past, and any let go of the future I planned. I’m getting there. I can feel myself letting parts of it go. It just takes patience and time, and probably a little bit of all the attitudes listed above.